I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
