she looked like the before picture.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
