Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
