Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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