remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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