I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
