I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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