you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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