Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
