I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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