Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
