farters have to be the big spoon...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
