How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
