Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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