I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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