I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
