What did we do last night that was yellow?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
