Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
