we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
