just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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