My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
