why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
