How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
