I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She said her name was "party"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
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yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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