You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
