I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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