Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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