the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
