I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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