My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
