it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
