just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
