she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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