Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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