Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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