well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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