so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
