CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
