Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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