Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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