and you said cock pushups were impossible
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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