My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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