Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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