well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
