I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
