she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
