apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
