the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
