Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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