wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
