The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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