your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
