there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
