anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
