I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
