Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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