my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
