My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
