Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
