The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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